041: How to Let Go of Control – with Jennifer Dukes Lee

By November 27, 2018December 3rd, 2018The Simplifiers Podcast

Podcast banner image featuring Mary

Raise your hand if you consider yourself a card-carrying Type A control freak.

Don’t worry, no one is looking, I promise.

How can you tell? Inc. magazine suggests 8 Signs You’re a Control Freak.

Here are the first 4:

  1. You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you’d be happier. So you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
  2. You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don’t believe in imperfection and you don’t think anyone else should either.
  3. You judge others’ behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
  4. You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.

Any of this sound familiar? (Harsh, right!!?!)


My guest, Jennifer Dukes Lee, shares simple, practical tips to help you learn how to let go of control.

Jennifer Dukes Lee is the author of It’s All Under Control: A Journey of Letting Go, Hanging On, and Finding a Peace You Almost Forgot Was Possible and other books.

In this episode, you will learn:

  • What is underneath the illusion of control and what causes us to crave it
  • What happens to us if we DON’T change, but continue attempting to carry everything in our work and life
  • When to say “NO” and discover the “Delegate, Dismiss, or Do” framework
  • What type of control freak are you – Driver, Devoter or Darling, and what to do about it
  • What it means to live a ‘surrendered life’

Plus, Jennifer shares a few simple tips for overcoming the overwhelm during the winter holidays. (Lord knows, we could all use this!)

My children gifted me her book for my birthday earlier this year. (Jeez, what are they trying to tell me!!?!) I committed to read a little bit every night before bed, instead of scrolling on my phone. I absolutely adore this book and know you will too. Witty, down-to-earth and my kind of gal, so enjoy!


My challenge for you this week:

Take some time to make note of what you keep tight control of. Can you loosen your grip and let go a little? Keep a journal to monitor your progress, and remember to be kind to yourself – life is a journey.

Share it with me, privately or publicly, by snapping a photo of you doing the thing and tag @thesimplifiers on Instagram for added accountability and support!

Links, books and apps mentioned:

Podcast: How to Use Mind-Body Magic to Create Flow – The Simplifiers Podcast with special guest, Abigail Steidley

Book: Cozy Minimalist Home – Myquillyn Smith

Book: It’s All Under Control: A Journey of Letting Go, Hanging On, and Finding a Peace You Almost Forgot Was Possible – Jennifer Dukes Lee

Book: The Happiness Dare: Pursuing Your Heart’s Deepest, Holiest, and Most Vulnerable Desire – Jennifer Dukes Lee

Book: Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval–and Seeing Yourself through God’s Eyes – Jennifer Dukes Lee

Favorite quotes from this episode:

[03:29] “I think that there is such an illusion behind control because we think, oh, well if I’m in control then I got all my ducks in a row and nothing is going to stop me.” – Mary

[03:51] “We think that if we have all the systems in place that everything will go very smoothly. And I think too, we’ve been trained that way from an early age in, at least in the culture where I live in, where self-sufficiency is highly regarded.” – Jennifer

[11:28] “Sometimes we go through these moments where we think we’ve got the outward appearance, everything’s fine, everything’s dandy, but deep down inside there’s either a missing part or there’s just an emptiness that is deeper.” – Jennifer

[23:20] “If there’s something that anybody listening today could do right now, is set just one core boundary or core value, some line that you are going to refuse to cross.” – Jennifer

[28:39] “For me, surrendered life looks like figuring out how to balance what to hang onto, and what to let go of. And that’s a constant evaluation and re-evaluation with God.” – Jennifer

Hire my team!

If you haven’t heard the news yet, you can now hire my team to build out YOUR virtual team.

So, if running this part of your business gives you ANXIETY, here’s your chance to delegate it off your plate and on to my team of Simplifiers.

Need a virtual webmaster? We can do that.

Need a virtual organizer? We can help you write your team training manual in a flash!

Need a virtual assistant to wrangle your inbox? BAM, my team is your team now.

Yes, that’s right.

All those little, annoying admin tasks that eat up your time and energy, you can now delegate to MY team of Simplifiers.

We’ve got talented, experienced executive and personal assistants who can now work for you for as little as $200 USD for 5 hours.

If you’ve been thinking about growing your team but the cash flow just wasn’t there, you can now have an INSTANT team when you hire The Simplifiers!

Whether it’s for one small project or ongoing help, get more details and sign up today so you can simplify your work life, straight away!

Hire a Simplifier


It’s time to SIMPLIFY.

About Jennifer:

Jennifer is the wife of an Iowa farmer, mom to two girls, and author of It’s All Under Control: A Journey of Letting Go, Hanging On, and Finding a Peace You Almost Forgot Was Possible. She was a newspaper reporter for many years before she started writing books.

Jennifer loves ’80s music, and she exercises mostly because she wants to support her queso habit.

Jesus saved her life once upon a time, and he has been doing it every single day since then. That’s why she writes: because of Jesus. She wants to testify to his faithfulness and to make his great name known.

Jennifer’s vote for the perfect guest on The Simplifiers Podcast:

Crystal Paine – wife, mom of 3, speaker, author, and online entrepreneur, best known for founding MoneySavingMom.com, as well as YourBloggingMentor.com and The Crystal Paine Show.

Where Jennifer hangs out online:

Facebook: @JenniferDukesLee

Website: jenniferdukeslee.com

Instagram: @dukeslee

Video version of the episode

Join us and become a Simplifier!

Well hello there, thanks for stopping by and having a listen to The Simplifiers Podcast! Our mission is to take topics in business and in life… and SIMPLIFY them!

If you loved this episode, you’ll want to go ahead and hit the SUBSCRIBE button in your podcast player to get more of this coming your way.

In addition, we’ve created a free online community called the SUPER Insiders, so you can connect with other entrepreneurs and aspiring Simplifiers around the world.

Click here to join and start SIMPLIFYING

Subscribe to The Simplifiers Podcast

Don’t forget, you can tune in to the podcast on any of these fantastic FREE platforms, whatever suits your fancy:

Listen on StitcherListen on Google PlayListen on Spotify

TuneIn | Acast | SoundCloud | YouTube

… or find us on your favorite podcast app by searching: The Simplifiers podcast

Disclaimer: This blog post includes affiliate links because we wholeheartedly believe in the products, books and courses featured on the podcast. Therefore, we get compensated when you click on the links above and decide to purchase these items, which helps us continue to serve and support you. We share only the very best resources with our listeners and hope you find great value in them, as well.

Leave a Reply