B102: How to be a kind person (more often than not)

In a world that feels a bit broken at times and totally in a rush, what is the best way to be a kind person (more often than not)? Great question. If you’ve ever read the book, “A Course in Miracles” written by Helen Schucman, you know that kindness is key to live a life full of Love and not one dictated by Fear. But well, sometimes it’s easier said than done, right? So how can you be a kind person?

Earlier this week, I spoke with Jess Weiner all about how to create social change & a sense of ‘belonging’ in your work and that reminded me of how critically important kindness is in all of this.

Kindness builds bridges and forges stronger relationships built on trust and integrity. How else was Jess able to help shift global brands like Mattel’s Barbie to see that little girls (and their moms) wanted toys that better reflect who they are and what they want to be when they grow up?

Also, kindness requires patience and really good listening skills, as well… asking the open ended questions that get people talking, thinking, and creating a new reality for themselves and the world around us. Social change doesn’t happen overnight. Trust and safety (to change) is created through a thousand little moments where your kindness helps others see it’s safe to break down their walls, brick by brick… and step into the Light.

Therefore, how do we cultivate more kindness in our lives? 

I think it starts inside us, individually. Here are 3 simple things to consider in order to be a kind person (more often than not) in life:

• be the ripple 
• don’t take anything personally
• look for the “white trucks”

Here are 3 simple ways to be a kind person today (more often than not):

• Be the ripple 

When I was little, my brother and I loved to skipped stones at our neighborhood park together. Now one thing you should know is that my brother is an EXPERT at skipping rocks. He can usually skip them at least 6-7 times before it drops down into the water with absolute ease. And if I’m honest, I was always a wee bit envious of his natural talent. “How does he do it?? I wanna learn that! Teach me, teach me!” 

Ends up, it’s all about the rock you choose (gotta have a flat one) and the angle by which you flick it. But isn’t this true about life? 

Being a kind person every single day requires you to be in the right shape to ripple out your kindness to others. Every time that rock skips across the water, it makes a ripple, which affects the area around it. Be the ripple. It’s not a “one-and-done” sort of thing. Wherever you go today, you leave a trail of ripples behind you that ultimately, makes a positive impact on the world. 

• TIP: So today, I want you to look for tiny ways that you can help brighten someone else’s day. Maybe it’s…
  • holding open a door for someone or
  • allowing someone to jump on the train before you or
  • maybe it’s a kind smile to a stranger who looks like they’re having a rough day.
    • Remember, hurt people hurt people. When hurt people skip their stones across the water, it tends to leaves a trail of anger, sadness, and a whole mess of triggers. You can break that cycle with a simple smile and vowing to not let their words or actions define you.

• Don’t take anything personally 

One of my all-time favorite books is “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. And in this, he believes that there are four agreements that if followed as a code of conduct, your life will rapidly transform to experience more freedom, true happiness, and love. And I can tell you firsthand, this stuff works. One of the four agreements is “don’t take anything personally.” From the book:

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…

Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally, you eat it up….

But if you do not take it personally, you are immune in the middle of hell. Immunity in the middle of hell is the gift of this agreement.”

• • TIP: As you go about your day today, I want you to simmer on this thought… what if for the next 24 hours you vowed to not take ANYTHING personally, no matter what happens to you? When someone says something snippy or when someone cuts you off in rush hour traffic… or even when a loved one turns a cold shoulder. 
    • I want you to take a step back and simply observe what’s going on. When you don’t take anything personally, you realize that you are not responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. 
    • When you fully accept this Divine truth, you begin to realize how freeing this is. You can keep your heart open, be a kind person, and not get hurt by others. You even realize that you can ask for what you need without fear. 
    • How would this truth change your life?

• Look for the “white trucks” 

I have a very dear friend who shared this wisdom with me recently and I love it so much. “Look for the white trucks in life, Mary.” And what that means is this… what if there are two types of people in the world: kind people (aka. the “white trucks”) and then, the ones who are operating out of fear (aka. the “red trucks”)?

So wherever life takes you today, I want you keep your chin up and your heart open to look for the kind people along your journey. 

• TIP: Look for the “white trucks” – they might be a friendly cashier at the grocery store or the person standing directly in front of you in the queue. More than likely, they are people just like you who’ve made the conscious decision to slow down the pace of their lives, are open, receptive and enjoy the simple pleasures in life. 
• When you spot a “white truck” person, give them a smile, engage them in friendly conversation, or offer to lend a helping hand in kindness. The more you interact with “white truck” people, the more you’ll see them everywhere you go. So this exercise works both ways in helping you retrain your brain to see that kind people are everywhere around you, even in the darkest of circumstances. 

Now, for the record, I think everyone has the capacity to be kind… and ultimately, they have a choice each and every day to choose loving-kindness instead of fear in their words and actions. So you too get to choose… are you going to be a “red truck” or a white one today?

Plus, people can spot a “red truck” a mile away… they are rushing from one place to another, plowing through life with a “me-first” mentality, and most times, completely unaware of how their words or actions hurt others. If you stumble upon a “red truck” person today, remember that they need loving-kindness too, so give them a quick smile and show them the way back to the Light.

One final whisper

Kindness does not equal weakness… just the opposite.

When you’re able to operate your life through the core value of kindness and respect for others, I believe your whole outlook begins to change and in a positive way.

All of sudden, opportunities seem to fall into your lap. Big sacks of cash drop out of the sky. Random emails show up in your inbox inviting you to collaborate on an exciting project. People see your radiance and want to come in closer to learn your secrets.

I’ve certainly experienced all of these things over my career, myself.

And here’s the secret to being kind… 

When I take good care of myself, mind-body-spirit, I am in a much better position to be kind to others. My life is vibrating at a much higher frequency and I’m not letting fear dictate my decision making skills or my vision for the future ahead.

However, when I don’t get good sleep or when I’m eating crap foods or forgetting to drink more water than coffee, just the opposite occurs. My outlook on life becomes dim, my brain falls into the trap of cynicism, unspoken victimhood and I seem to be surrounded by “red trucks” everywhere I go.

In order to be a kind person (more often than not), it requires me to make the conscious decision to take good care of myself each and every day. 

It’s the 1000 daily choices I make where true change happens. What I eat, what I wear today, who I interact with, what emails I send (or DON’T send), and ultimately, is my heart open to receive the kindness that others want to give… or not?

In the words of one of my favorite drag queens, Nina West…

Go big. Be kind. Go West.

Keep your chin up and facing towards the Light. Remember to…

• be the ripple (hurt people hurt people… kind people do the opposite) 
• don’t take anything personally
• look for the “white trucks”

You can do this, I believe in you.

It’s time to SIMPLIFY.