B063: How to recover when someone says no

By May 24, 2019July 12th, 2019The Simplifiers Podcast

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Today’s topic is how to recover when someone says NO to you. Ugh, rejection is the absolute worst! Especially when you’ve put yourself out there and the other party says, “Nah, no thanks, not interested.”

Let’s break that all down, diffuse the fear in it and simplify how to bounce back.

Earlier this week, I spoke with event designer, Kristin Banta. Kristin shared her insight on how to take calculated risks in creative design, and in your business. If you take a listen to this one, it may inspire you to take action and think outside the box.

You put yourself out there. You pitched a big client. Asked for the meeting. Sent that big, scary email. Made that cold call. You asked for the sale. Took the risk… and the response was… well… not what you expected.

Here’s how to recover when someone says no:


How to recover from rejection

1. Define ‘rejection’

Webster’s Dictionary says it’s ‘the dismissing or refusing of a proposal or idea. To spew out, to throw back.’ Yowch harsh!

I hate to think of people spewing out what I’m serving them. It makes me think of an obstinate toddler saying no to the mushy peas on a choo-choo train spoon. Rejection also means: ‘an immune response in which foreign tissue is attacked by immune system components of the recipient organism.’

When a body rejects a transplanted organ, this happens because it’s not a match. Hear my words here.

Nothing more, nothing less. Not a match.

What I want you to be clear on is that nowhere in this definition does it talk about you mucking it up. You not being enough. You not doing enough. It’s just not a match. Not now or maybe not ever.

Remember, it’s simply a volley between two parties and the other side decided to take their ball home and not play anymore. That’s all. When you define ‘rejection’, you realize your interpretation of the word is half the battle. And you have the choice to believe what that means (or doesn’t mean) to your own self-worth.

You also have the choice on what you do next.

2. Embrace the ‘butt hurt’ moment

As my friend and fellow undercover superhero, Emily would say, “Girl, you did the thing. You got ‘butt hurt.’ Now it’s time to dust yourself off!”

No truer words have been spoken.

As much as your ego might feel a bit bruised in this moment, you’ve got to experience each stage and process it. So, don’t bypass the ‘butt hurt’.

It’s an important part of moving on. First off, I want you to applaud yourself for doing the thing and having the courage to put yourself out there. This work requires you to be BOLD. And do what 90% of others out there are too afraid to do.

I can tell you something from 16 years experience of running The Simplifiers. It doesn’t get any easier to take calculated risks, but you certainly feel less scared with repetition.

Pat yourself on the back for taking the leap. And then, give yourself space to feel ‘butt hurt.’ Whether that’s getting together with your trusted girlfriends and chatting it out, or journaling down your lessons learned in privacy. Or sweating it out in a particularly gruelling session of hot yoga.

Give yourself permission, and headspace to process what just happened. If not, you’ll never fully be able to move on without holding grudges or creating mental blocks.

3. Dust yourself off

Once you’ve done this, finally, (praise Jesus!), you’re ready to dust yourself off and move on with your life! No matter if it took 90 seconds like Tony Robbins, or 90 days to get past this knock to your ego, you’re ready now to get back at it.

Well done, you!

The truth is, you’ve got the power to recover faster than you think. Lord knows, you don’t have 90 days to waste on sweating the small stuff. Tony calls it, “Returning your mind to a beautiful state.”

Even when things look grim, or hopeless, or crushing or difficult. When you shift your mind back to a ‘beautiful state’, you’re laying down new neural pathways. This will help you to see opportunity where once there was devastation, panic or despair. So, before the stinkin’ thinkin’ kicks in, I just want you to ask yourself this one simple question:

  • What did I learn from this experience, that can help me in the future? And what am I going to do next?

Okay, I lied… that’s two questions. But you get the idea. Everything in life is another badge earned on your Girl Scout sash. Every moment is pivotal to your journey.

You have the power to interpret what it means, and how much power you let it have on your future.

It’s just that simple.

The next time someone says NO to you. Or rejects your super-amazing-it’s-going-to-be-incredible idea (and instead decides to play it safe). Or closes a door that you thought was the next step in your reality… I want you to do this instead…

  • Remember ‘rejection’ can’t touch your self-worth
  • Embrace the ‘butt hurt’ phase but don’t hang out here too long
  • Dust yourself off and take the next step towards a ‘beautiful state’

You are going to be fine. Life is going to keep ticking on. And you are exactly where you’re supposed to be right here, right now.

And just one final whisper, from me to you, dear friend… come in closer.

Can we just take a moment (once again) to applaud your BOLD spirit for a hot second?

Without this courage, nothing innovative or creative would exist in life.

Let’s celebrate for a moment the fact that you stood in your power. You didn’t go against your core values, and you spoke up when most would keep quiet.

Keep raising your hand.

Keep calling ‘foul’ when you see others being mistreated.

Keep showing up, and keep showing others a better way. A simpler way of doing things that could benefit everyone.

Without your contribution, this world wouldn’t be as radiant and brilliant.

This thing doesn’t define you. It’s just a thing. Nothing more, nothing less. And it certainly isn’t going to stop you.

So, keep going. I’m cheering you on.

You can do this, I believe in you.

It’s time to SIMPLIFY.

If this thought of the day inspired you…

Snap a photo of you doing the thing and send it to me via Instagram, privately or publicly… Just tag @thesimplifiers –  I’ll be your virtual accountability buddy in your quest to simplify your life.

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Here, you can record a voicemail through your phone or your laptop, and then, we can feature you on a future episode!

So, what’s one thing that’s helping you simplify these days…

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Easy peasy, super simple!

Big thanks to our undercover superheroes at The Simplifiers Podcast that help us create these episodes for you – Suzen Marie, our Podcast Editor. Jeffrey Lynn, our Video Editor. Janine Yardley, our Show Notes Editor. Lyden Yardley, our Director of Brilliance. Manminder Athwal, our Blogger. Our advisory board includes: Aubri Nowowiejski, Chris Justice and George Mills. And I’m your host, Mary Baird-Wilcock. Thank you so much for listening and telling your peeps about us.

As always friends, keep things simple.

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